My secrets revealed!

If I were to give out all my secret "sleever" tricks, this is a list of what I would tell people:

1. GET RID OF ALL THE BAD FOOD BEFORE SURGERY. Seems self-explanatory and tedious, but well worth it. If it's there, you will eat it. End of story.
2. Buy a Camelbak Eddy Bottle, practice drinking two a day (64 oz.) and using the bite valve. It will help post-op. I know it says no straws, but the unique bite valve (which was definitely a challenge to learn at first) eliminates gas getting to your stomach.
3. Time yourself. No water 30 minutes before and after eating is CRUCIAL to your success. Don't think you can estimate this, because you can't; I can't. Unless you like throwing up in restaurant stalls, then go ahead and "wing" it. Also, practice this before the surgery.
4. Buy some containers that make packing food and portioning it so much easier. Just grab what you need for lunch and go. I prepare my food ahead of time so that I don't have to "think" about it; my meals are ready to go. It seems difficult, but it's really not.
5. Fail to plan, you plan to fail. Sounds stupid and cliché, but it's totally true. I try to always have some protein powder or a protein drink when I leave the house. Now that I'm permitted to eat any foods, this will be much easier, but it's not impossible for right after post-op. If I don't have something, then I end up trying to "estimate" the amount of calories, ounces, etc. in food and find the closest thing (fast food) to me. This is BAD!! Plan ahead.
6. Track your food. I use the My Fitness Pal app to track my calories. Again, tedious, but worth it. I was appalled to find out what I ate before the surgery when I looked up the calories. Wow. Use it for a few days before your surgery and definitely EVERYDAY after. If I have to track it, I'm less likely to eat what I'm not supposed to be eating. It's like my accountability partner. Also, track your steps. I use a Fitbit to do this (it has an awesome easy water tracker, too).
7. Find someone who will literally (yes I did this tonight to Dad) take the plate of fries away from you so you stop mindlessly eating them. Also, some kind of support, whether it's friends, neighbors, people you met in a class, whomever, is necessary. You canNOT do this alone. You need someone to support you and celebrate your accomplishments. Someone who threatens to kill you if you gain any weight back. These are the people you need in your life. Not people who will push ice cream on you or alcohol because it's liquid. Haha! Not to say that anyone who offers you the "wrong" kind of food is bad, they may just not remember that you've changed your life. This is an emotional, physical, and spiritual challenge (I swear I'm not being dramatic) that will ultimately change your life. You need people who be on your team and give you that push if you need it and that shoulder to cry on. I have the best support and couldn't have asked for any better people if I had hand-tailored the list. You need that too.
8. They say chewing sugar free gum is bad because you swallow too much air or maybe the gum... However, I like to chew it after eating as it helps aid digestion, clean my teeth, and pass those ridiculously slow 30 minutes after eating. I experienced no problems; try it before you subscribe to it.
9. You are also told to not drink out of straws because you swallow too much air. Of course I had to test this... I had no problems. Again, try it.
10. Do not weigh everyday. Weight naturally fluctuates all the time. Try weighing every week or two weeks. Remember you are changing your view of scales, clothes, chairs (maybe), etc. You will eventually plateau and weighing yourself everyday will only make you stressed and you will likely eat. NO BUENO.
Also, important things: take your vitamins, walk, and slowly make yourself work harder (still working on this). 

Now to the other stuff. I might have spoken too soon about the whole "not being hungry" thing. I feel hunger now. I told Dad that I think all of the inner swelling finally went down because I can actually feel hungry. It takes a long time of not eating (not recommended) for me to feel it, though.When I feel this way, it's harder to control how slow I eat. I just want to inhale all of my food. This is not good.

For the good things from my 6 week appointment (I feel like I have a newborn when I say that):
-I've lost 41 pounds since March 11!!!!!! Ok, so I'm a little excited. Check out my first Snapchat (taken 3 minutes after she told me how much I'd lost) and the goofy grin in the picture that follows. I was giddy all day. Ha! I texted like 25 people; I just couldn't keep it to myself.

-I am completely healed!! I can try any foods, in small quantities that I track, and keep a record of how my stomach reacts.
-I can swalow pills!! Praise Jesus!!! No more liquid Tylenol for my very serious aches and pains. I can take regular vitamins, too. I'm not sure if I will take non-chewable vitmains or not because I want to absorb as much as possible. We'll see.
-I did yoga today, for an hour and a half, since my very insistent friend (the same one who will kill me if I gain weight) wanted me to. It was AWESOME!! See my not-really-a-yoga-pose-but-the-other-ones-looked-too-bad-to-take-a-picture-of picture?! Yep, that's me, crossing my legs. Never thought I'd do that again, but there I am. All yoga-y and what not. Woohoo!

-I wore pants that I previously could not breathe in for the first time yesterday. Yep. It was amazing!!
-Too much information, perhaps, but I went down 4 inches and a cup size in my bra (no pic here... ha!).
-We took my measurements so I can track the loss of inches for the aforementioned plateau.
-I was told to take fish oil, biotin, and eat/drink my protein (60 grams) to avoid hair loss- which should start around 4 months. I actually already do all of these things... Yeah, I'm that patient. 

Now to talk about my relationship with my scale and all of my clothing. You can't tell by looking, but I'm surprisingly good with fashion stuffs. Most cute stuff is expensive and cheaply made in plus sizes, so I don't bother trying to rock a look that would look better on a size 4 than me anyway. I admit that it's hard to get on the scale. My stomach fills with dread when the nurse looks at me expectantly to step on the scale. I mean, I'm eating so few calories, but it's still in my brain that I have somehow gained. Plus, in the past, I only weighed to see if and how much I've gained or am horrified to see how much I've gained when I thought I'd lost. Ugh. So, I am working on getting my head wrapped around the fact that scales are checking my progress; no more, no less. If I plateau, it's not the end of the world. In fact, I most likely will. I refuse to see the scale in a negative light because it doesn't tell me what I want it to, though. So here's to looking at my scale in a new, more positive, light!

So I've read a lot about taking one bite too many and feeling like you're going to die. While that wasn't quite my experience, it was close. I literally, not figuratively, took one extra bite and had to wait for my chest and stomach to stop hurting for a good 30-45 minutes. Talk about uncomfortable! Ew. I had to breathe through some serious nausea, although I did not throw up and have yet to do so. Now I tune in even more closely to my body and stomach so I can avoid this in the future. It was the longest most excruciating minutes of my life... Ok, so that's dramatic- especially for my life, but it sucked. Trust me, don't overeat. That one bite is nit worth the discomfort on the drive home (which seemed like an eternity), during your conference, after lunch, in the middle of a big presentation, etc. It's. Not. Worth. It.

So that's about all the wisdom I can share for now. I'll be back soon for some updates on yoga, walking, my leg, and, of course, my weight! Thanks for all of the support!!!

And that's life...

New socket and 35 down!

It's been one month since my surgery. I have lost 35 pounds so far!! 

This past weekend I went to Austin with my sister. It was a fun and challenging trip. Where there is traveling, there is food. I had to think carefully about what I could eat. I mostly ate eggs and the insides of tacos. We only ate 3 meals (it was an over night trip), so that helped a lot. I mostly learned to order with my stomach and not my eyes. I thought that one taco would never be enough- and then could barely finish it. Wow!! I kept reminding myself that I can always order more if I'm still hungry. Fortunately, I'm never hungry after eating; I'm full. 

Also, it's true what they say about not feeling hungry. I don't have that feeling anymore. I have to gage my "hungriness" on my mood or the last time I ate. I could actually forget to eat. How scary is that?! I keep a close eye on the clock for food and when to stop drinking. I'm trying really hard to increase my steps each day as well. 

On Tuesday I got casted for a new socket!! Apparently I lost weight in my face, chest, waist, and stump first. Who knew? So now I will be getting a new smaller leg. Woohoo!!! I think I will stick with the same basic design, but different colors and lace. I love this leg, what can I say? 

That's really all I have to update y'all on, so enjoy these excrutitating (to take) pictures of me. Haha!! 

(I feel like you can see my awkwardness in these pics... Ugh. Also, I see very little difference. Boo!) 

And that's life... 

Now I have to walk, too?!

Dad decided I (we) need to start walking. We may have been a bit ambitious, though. I traversed the track at the park close to my house yesterday. Whew! It took me 1424 steps, lots of sweat, a headache, and, I'm ashamed to admit, some tears.
I hate working out.
It's hard.
It's hot.
It hurts.
I breathe hard.
I sweat.
I'm tired.
My face gets red. 
It generally sucks all the way around.

But I did it. And I (stupidly) promised to do it again.

The silver lining here? Get it? The clouds... It will get easier and I got to have a Smoothie King shake!! I'll take it!

So this whole experience is interesting. It reminds me of having my leg amputated. Stay with me, here. When making all the crazy decisions in the hospital, I kind of became detached from the situation. You know it's you and your life, but you have to use your logic to figure out what's best regardless of your emotions. I don't know if that makes sense or not. The point is, one day it catches up with you. For my leg, it was the first time I called myself an amputee: I started out saying the word and ended up half whispering it. Then I cried. That was never my life plan. I never saw a future where an amputation was on my radar. It wasn't even in the realm of possibilities. Likewise, a future where I am overweight was also never in my visions of the future. This whole process of eating again is like my whole hospital stay (minus all the bills). I feel kind of detached, but know it will eventually catch up to me. Not necessarily in a bad way, just in general. I make my food decisions with my brain rather than my emotions or my cravings.

For instance, I went to dinner with my sister and a friend tonight. After they had finished eating, I had almost completely convinced myself that some ground beef and refried beans wouldn't be that bad and were like mushy food. I was soooo close to ordering, but I tried to remember my end goal. You'll be happy to know that I did not cave, nor did I eat when I got home. I wrote this and went to bed. I'm trying really hard to stick to my food plan and "be good". It's hard, but I also know it will be worth it. Most life choices seem to be this way.

Don't let this post make you think I'm not happy or regret anything; I'm not and I don't. I'm a generally happy person, but I apparently have some deep thoughts occasionally. Enjoy!

Also, my favorite thing I've bought for this whole process were these cute little food containers. I got them on Amazon. They're 5.5 ounces and are perfect for portioning out my mushy foods. Such a good buy!!

And that's life...

P.S. Saw the world's largest hose today!! What are they watering with that?! Maybe it's a HUGE sprinkler!!! Who knows?

30?

Yesterday I subbed for the first time since my surgery. I also went golfing with Dad. Now when I say "golfing", I really mean I half rode half drove the cart to each hole in the freezing cold and drizzling rain. It was really fun, though!! I could put his size large jacket on and zip it! I wouldn't have even ever tried that 6 weeks ago. The subbing was a great first day back. I ended up walking over 5,000 steps and drank all my protein and water. I was tempted to cheat at dinner with Dad and his friend because I didn't plan for that after school, but I didn't! Woohoo!! Willpower.

My incisions were not healing like I thought they should be, and I was worried. Since I'm a little leery about infection (I can't imagine why... leg), I went to the doctor on Wednesday.  It appears some of my suture lines are actually infected. So I get to take some delicious (read: horrible-nasty-disgusting-bleh) liquid antibiotics and have a cream to spread on those things. Two days later and they're already looking TONS better!

While at the doctor, you know they weigh you. I am always worried I have gained weight, which seems impossible. It turns out it actually is; I have lost 31 pounds so far!!! I am so excited!! I have a little more to go before I reach my first BIG goal and can't wait!

Today I ate some mushy food for the first time. I made some Buffalo Chicken puree. Now stop judging that picture, it was DELICIOUS! I adapted and "healthified" a recipe from a friend. I was so happy just to chew something!! I will get through this phase by thinking of everything as dip, which this one actually was dip with a lot of protein. To those of you keeping a close count on my food timeline progression: yes, I am a little bit early on the mushy food. Like 5 days. I feel like I'll be ok, though. I will drink my protein for the rest of the day. It was more of a test run for Easter. I used my timer for the thirty minutes before and after the meal to drink my water. I also had no adverse or weird effects.

I was told I can never chew gum again because you swallow a lot of air or you can swallow the gum (which I haven't done in like 20 years). I think this is false. I tried gum because I need to chew. Now, it's sugar free gum, but I chewed it. I regret nothing!! I have always chewed gum. I feel like it really helps me focus and gives me something to do. It's weird, but so am I. 

My biggest challenge has been not feeling full. When you sip liquids, you don't ever achieve that "full" feeling. Ever. If you feel full after drinking, then you drank a lot really fast; something I can't do. I do feel very satisfied after eating my Buffalo Chicken Dip, and that is a welcome change. So is how easy my jeans come off without unbuttoning them! Ha!

I am dropping down my dosage of fish oil. I am having some adverse effects and am pretty sure it's due to the fish oil. So I'm going to skip a day and then just take 2 a day. We will see if that helps, which hopefully it does.

And that's life...

Post-op-ness

I've been reluctant to write because I feel a little underwhelmed with this whole surgery. I mean, I'm still on liquids and I don't feel any different. It's hard to stay motivated when I feel the same. I have new scars (I think the count is at like 103958383920 million now) and am a little sore on my left side (like I did crunches- ha!), but that's it. It's sooooo frustrating!! I haven't noticed much change yet, although I didn't struggle into my jeans this morning and my ankle isn't swelling as much. Maybe these are good signs... 

However, I did meet with the doctor on Wednesday to get my itchy staples out and found out I've lost 27 pounds since starting my liquid diet!! Woohoo! I feel like I should've lost more, but I guess not. My pouch is also working perfectly and not leaking or anything! I'm trying to remain focused on my goal and not scratch my belly very much. Turns out I'm probably allergic to adhesive. Around each incision it's read from the sticky stuff and so super itchy!! They put a patch behind my ear to help with nausea, which I took off as soon as I got home, and it left a mark. The first pic is right when I got home and the second is tonight. 

The best part is I still get to sleep on my tummy! I thought I would have to sleep on my back for a while. Turns out I don't! Since I get little to no sleep that way, I'm a happy girl!! 

So after being on clear protein about 4 days, I switched to what they call "full liquids". These include soup and protein shakes. That's it. Just those two. Jeez!! Also, I have to be on them for 3, yes T-H-R-E-E, weeks. After that, I get to to go puréed foods with an "applesauce" consistency. This may sound unappetizing or gross, but I assure you that I am THRILLED to move to that step!! Every time I "eat" my soup my stomach kind of cramps up for a second. I've been assured this is normal and will pass. I sure hope so because I really don't like it!! 

At first I had trouble getting all my water in. I know, that's nuts. I was having lots of gas come back up and a little pain even though I was trying to sip. So I switched to my Camelbak water bottle with the bite valve and now I drink most of my water everyday! I'm not supposed to be drinking with a straw, but my Camelbak removes almost all of the air out of the water and works for me. Plus, I'm conditioned to see my water bottle, check how much I've had, and drink. It's the little things that make alllll the difference! 

I have to take a LOT of vitamins now. 1 multi-vitamin, 3 grams of fish oil, vitamin D, B-complex, 2 Pepcids, and my allergy pill. Sheesh! It wouldn't be so bad, but I chew my multi and B, but have to individually swallow the rest. My fish oil takes 2 pills at EACH meal to get it all in. Needless to say, I'm getting about 2 grams right now; morning and night. The Pepcid I take morning and night, too. I take the allergy pill only at night and the D only in the morning. It's hard to remember everything. Also, I have to chew the occasional gigantic fiber- gross!! The bright side is that after 6 weeks post-op, I'm allowed to swallow regular pills and can switch from these tiny or chewable pills and get some of them all in one! Also, I don't have to take iron which sounds like I would gag if I had to chew it. 

I know this pic is in one of the others, but I think my neck looks skinny, so I'm going to post it again. Haha! 

That's all I've got for now. Feel free to ask any questions. I'd post pics of my incisions, but it freaks some people out. Ha! 

And that's life... 

Two Days Post Op

Not gonna lie, I felt a bit of regret while still in the hospital. Every single muscle hurt and I kept dry heaving. It was horrible!! 

However, I woke up today, walked some, and have kept all my liquids down. Woohoo!! I have been awake all day and am trying to force down some clear protein in tiny sips. Talk about torture!

I'm feeling much better today; like a smaller truck hit me instead of a Mack truck. For those of you that know me well know that I hate soup, but today I even ate some broth!! Yay salt!!!! 

I also have not had any pain meds today. I hate taking meds if I don't have to, so this pleases me immensely. 

I have six incisions that are stapled shut. They look like they let a child staple me up. They're not in a straight line or anything. I'm also pretty bruised on my stomach. There is sticky stuff everywhere and I am ready to get all of it off!! Ugh. 

I watched some tv between walks and protein. Laughing and sneezing is excruciating; I'm ready for that to be over. 

Overall, I'm still excited for my new life! I have had many people check on me and lots of people praying for me. I could not ask for better friends or family. I am extremely blessed and thankful for all the kind words and prayers. 

And that's life...

Tomorrow is the day!!

Surprisingly these three weeks have FLOWN by!! Don't get me wrong, it wasn't easy, but I made it. I drank my last shake and have to go to bed early so I can be at the hospital tomorrow morning at 4:30. Ugh. I am first on the list, though, so I'm excited about that!! I survived and didn't cheat even once!!! I think that counts as a win. I will let everyone know how much I've lost when they weigh me tomorrow. Also, Mom and Dad will keep people informed via Facebook. It's a short procedure, so I shouldn't be under long.

I want to thank everyone who has supported me. I feel like I have the BEST support system EVER!!! Many people have called, texted, written, etc., to check on me today. That is something I do not take for granted. Thank you all for your continued love, support, thoughts, and prayers.

I have had a TON of water today in preparation for my surgery tomorrow. I also packed my bag and am about to go antimicrobial soap my body. Haha! I cannot express how excited I am about this and am just so thrilled for this next step in my life. Thanks again for following me on this journey.

And that's life...