Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Now I have to walk, too?!

Dad decided I (we) need to start walking. We may have been a bit ambitious, though. I traversed the track at the park close to my house yesterday. Whew! It took me 1424 steps, lots of sweat, a headache, and, I'm ashamed to admit, some tears.
I hate working out.
It's hard.
It's hot.
It hurts.
I breathe hard.
I sweat.
I'm tired.
My face gets red. 
It generally sucks all the way around.

But I did it. And I (stupidly) promised to do it again.
The silver lining here? Get it? The clouds... It will get easier and I got to have a Smoothie King shake!! I'll take it!

So this whole experience is interesting. It reminds me of having my leg amputated. Stay with me, here. When making all the crazy decisions in the hospital, I kind of became detached from the situation. You know it's you and your life, but you have to use your logic to figure out what's best regardless of your emotions. I don't know if that makes sense or not. The point is, one day it catches up with you. For my leg, it was the first time I called myself an amputee: I started out saying the word and ended up half whispering it. Then I cried. That was never my life plan. I never saw a future where an amputation was on my radar. It wasn't even in the realm of possibilities. Likewise, a future where I am overweight was also never in my visions of the future. This whole process of eating again is like my whole hospital stay (minus all the bills). I feel kind of detached, but know it will eventually catch up to me. Not necessarily in a bad way, just in general. I make my food decisions with my brain rather than my emotions or my cravings.

For instance, I went to dinner with my sister and a friend tonight. After they had finished eating, I had almost completely convinced myself that some ground beef and refried beans wouldn't be that bad and were like mushy food. I was soooo close to ordering, but I tried to remember my end goal. You'll be happy to know that I did not cave, nor did I eat when I got home. I wrote this and went to bed. I'm trying really hard to stick to my food plan and "be good". It's hard, but I also know it will be worth it. Most life choices seem to be this way.

Don't let this post make you think I'm not happy or regret anything; I'm not and I don't. I'm a generally happy person, but I apparently have some deep thoughts occasionally. Enjoy!
Also, my favorite thing I've bought for this whole process were these cute little food containers. I got them on Amazon. They're 5.5 ounces and are perfect for portioning out my mushy foods. Such a good buy!!

And that's life...
P.S. Saw the world's largest hose today!! What are they watering with that?! Maybe it's a HUGE sprinkler!!! Who knows?

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