Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Day 74

Today was a better day; thank you for raising my spirits!!

Today I received an adorable cookie basket from a family friend. It was so stinkin precious! It was all Halloween themed and everything; so cute. I also got a visit from a church member and friend today. She brought me Halloween candy and Velocity body wash and lotion as well as lip gloss. It was so sweet!!

My spooktacular cookie basket!

My sister and her boyfriend visited today. She took me on a walk all through the hospital and buildings. We went to this beautiful garden that we've been to before and decided they should have made it the scary garden for patients and staff. Ha! When we got back to the room, she washed my hair!! So clean, happy, and thankful!

So for doctor news, my plastic surgeon is sick (like 105 fever). My doctor (orthopedic) went to visit his family. One of my plastic's partners left for Rome today. My problem? I need a wound vac change tomorrow or Friday... Someone will have to do it.

Mommy bought me this cool expanding ball thing. Haha! It semi-glows in the dark. It's cool!!

See? So much fun!!
I miss doing Pinterest projects. I miss cooking. I miss my youth group. I miss my bed. I miss walking. I miss being goofy with my friends. However, I'm blessed to have what I have: family, God, my life.

P.S. I just found out I'm NPO... Looks like it'll be tomorrow.

And that's life...

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Day 73- Procedure #16

After waiting for 2 and a half hours, I got my simple little wound vac change and slept all day. Well, not exactly... I had IHOP and PT right after surgery, then slept until dinner (9ish). I'm so tired today, even now. If I close my eyes more than the time it takes to blink, I'll be asleep.

I will be missing Halloween this year. This makes me sad; it's one of my favorite holidays because you get to dress up. Also, I like to see what other people dress up as and take my cousins trick-or-treating. So sad. It looks like my one decoration and I will just chill here.

This morning at 5am my PICC line refused to produce blood. As you know, I hate getting my blood drawn, but had to get it drawn 2 times with 3 sticks. I cried for each one. I even cried right after we figured out my stupid PICC wouldn't give blood. Currently my nurse is doing something called TPA (I think it uses Heparin) to fix it. We were going to do that this morning, but they called me and I went. I got stuck in the hand once and the arm twice. So far, 2 hours in and 2 antibiotics skipped, it's still not working. Ugh!! If it doesn't work in another 4 hours, my nurse will call the PICC nurse.

TPA in my PICC.
I'm much better today, I just needed to vent. My PT read what happened in my chart and vocally stated she was upset in their office this morning, and a bunch of PTs were upset for me because they knew me/had done PT with me. It's just so interesting how you affect people. I didn't know they would remember me. You never know who will remember you or what you said or how you acted.

And that's life...

Monday, October 29, 2012

Day 72

Let me start by saying I have nothing positive to write this time.

I had  pretty average day until some doctor came in and told me my plastic surgeon is sick and will NOT be performing my muscle flap surgery tomorrow. This, at this moment, is earth-stopping. I want that surgery. I psyched myself up and allowed myself to hope that I would get the surgery and get better. I have NO idea when this doctor will get it together and reschedule my surgery. This is a HUGE (and recent) fear of mine. My plastic surgeon has to block off a about 10 hours straight in the OR, get his partner to help and give time (for the other leg), and SOON!! Ugh! It'll never happen. It's like the planets aligned and there they go...

What am I supposed to do? I feel like I'm going to be stuck in this hospital, in this room, in this bed for God knows how long. I just want to be better. I hate, yes hate, all of this!! I just want to go home well. I hate that this happened to me. I hate that I have to be positive. I hate that I have to rely on others to help me. I hate that I have to drink Boost. I hate that I have to wait for others to do anything. I hate that my parents put their lives on hold for me. I hate that Mom sleeps in a chair every night. I hate that I have to ask for a bath. I hate that I can't walk and will have to relearn how to. I hate that I sit by myself all day and only see my parents for a short time. I hate that I am sad when people (specifically mom and dad( leave). I hate that I am not healing right. I hate getting my blood pressure taken. I hate people opening my door for hourly rounding. I hate antibiotics. I hate the "meals" here. I hate pottying in a bucket. I hate wound vacs  and wound vac changes. I hate that I have to have someone help me brush my teeth, I hate that I can't do my own hair. I hate that I can't move my arm. I hate getting excited and getting let down. I hate this. This sucks. I can't say that enough.

The only semi-lining is that all the antibiotics I'm on now take off time I'll have to take them when (if) I go home. That's it.

My sister and her boyfriend brought me yummy cupcakes!!

I easily understand how people lose their faith and blame God for their problems. It's easy to do these things when time and time again things go awry. It becomes a challenge some days to find the positive or silver lining when things seem to be all bad. I get it. I don't feel this way, I just understand.

So instead of getting the surgery to help me get better, I will be NPO until I can get a wound vac change tomorrow for procedure #16.

And that's life...

Day 71- A Day of Visitors

Today I had 8 visitors!!! I felt so loved and important. I got to be in fellowship with some important people in my life. I liked that; it gave me a sense of normalcy.

Let tomorrow worry about itself. I'm going to try to live this way. I'll worry about today (not that it does me much good...) and let tomorrow take care of itself. There are no guarantees in this life; I can give testimony to this. Do you think I ever planned to be in a wreck? To have to learn how to walk again? To wait for surgeries each day? To have mostly doctors, nurses, techs, and therapists (although I am thrilled I met some of these people) to talk to? No. I planned to be subbing and being a youth director, not sitting in a hospital bed waiting on doctors and surgeries. However, that seems to be the and I was dealt, so I'm doing my best to play them and win!

Maybe I'm here to witness to the people here at the hospital. Maybe I'm here to be the little bit of sunshine people see throughout the day. Who knows? It's a thought... Mom had mentioned something about this a while back, and I have been thinking about this. I touch many peoples' lives throughout the day, week, month, stay. I talk to a lot of people sometimes.  I try to always be positive, upbeat, and respectful/thankful throughout my healing process.

Let me tell you that healing is tough! I'm tired (I might have fallen asleep on a few visitors; so sorry!) and itchy; mostly itchy. I just want to scratch my leg and arm like crazy. Unfortunately, my leg is still working on getting all the feeling back. So, my leg itches, but I get no relief to scratch it. Sad times. Plus, they're both wrapped up.

Mom decided to "decorate" today. She put up a decoration in front of my bed. She told me she was upset she couldn't decorate at home. Haha! I think it's hilarious! One nurse (a male) already commented on it.

And that's life...

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Day 70- Surprise Surgery #15

So I had a surprise surgery today. The nurse burst into my room last night at about 11:59 and told me I would be NPO because I'm having surgery on the back of my right leg (and didn't want to talk about it anymore; just wanted me to be NPO). Hold up!! "What's wrong with the back of your leg?," you might ask... Nothing!! Scary! So I woke up this morning, hungry, wondering what kind of surgery I would have today; also WHEN I would have it. Luckily for me, I got called at a reasonable time for a wound vac change. My next surgery will be on Tuesday at 2:30. I will need extra prayers on that day.

So all of a sudden my leg hurts when it's down. This is problematic because I have to use the restroom occasionally. When I say "hurts" I mean excruciating, tearful pain. I told my doctor (the one I like and who visits), and he seemed to think it was ok. Maybe I didn't stress my pain enough...

So I take a LOT of medicine/vitamins now. My least favorite one to "take" is Lovenox (loh-ven-ox). I have to get a shot in my belly twice a day. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it burns, sometimes I don't feel anything but the stick. Ha! Now each medicine is specific and good for me; Lovenox is a blood thinner. I have this because I'm "not as active" (I mean I do have a shattered ankle...) and we don't want blood clots in those legs of mine.

Speaking of my legs, I got a sponge bath and hair wash today!! I love feeling clean! I used to take that for granted; not anymore. As a matter of fact, I used to take a lot of things for granted, like walking, dancing, jumping, walking silly, driving, pottying by myself, showers, not being in a bed all day, etc. Try to not take things for granted...

Last night when I didn't know which surgery I was getting, I found out I am very nervous about this muscle flap surgery. I burst into tears after I was told I was having surgery the next day. I am worried it won't take. I am worried it will get infected. I am worried about what I'm going to do for 7 days with no moving. I am worried about spending 48-72 hours in the special ICU I have to go to. I am scared. I feel like this will be a step back, not like it's a step to move forward. I need to let go, and let God. Again, it's harder than it sounds. I'm working on it.

I worry about posting this so "early" because of last night. Oh well.
And that's life...

Friday, October 26, 2012

Day 69- Surprise Worship

Some great friends of mine (some in spirit) surprised me today with a mini service. Something I didn't know I needed. They got me a bible and sticky-noted the verses that spoke to them. These verses spoke to my soul. I'm not used to talking about my faith, so give me some time to get comfortable, please. I also received a quilt; I have ALWAYS wanted a QUILT!!! They also brought me yummy cookies and cupcakes from J. Raes!!!

The awesome ladies who came to see me!! Look at my quilt!

My "Highly portable and easy to carry" bible. Haha! I love it!!


Beautiful cookies!
The second half of the cookies!!
My first full day with my arm ex-fix off was a nice little learning curve. I have to re-learn what I can and can't do. It's kind of weird having so much freedom and not having hardly any, but I think I'm coping pretty well. I guess getting my ex-fix off is kind of bittersweet, because I thought I was going to have more freedom than I do have. My doctor said that in two weeks we will start moving my elbow again. The same way we did when the ex-fix was on it. However, I shouldn't have to start at square one, which is great!

Apparently when there is trauma to your body you lose a lot of your sensation. I'm going to have to start working on getting my sensation back in my foot so I can start walking. I know walking is a long way off, but if I get the sensation back, I'll be one step closer (see what I did there?!).

My dad and I shot our awesome Nerf guns tonight! It as so fun. I felt normal for a while. A tech came in and commented that he had those same guns; I could tell he wanted to play. Work... Ew! Ha!

Daddy! <3 Look at that concentration.
Today I have finally started to realize the impact I have on people. I literally had no idea. I feel so blessed and so loved because of this whole experience. People need to say and hear that they are loved waaaaay more than we do. I am going to start reminding the people around me that they are loved, wanted, important, needed, and God's perfect creation.

And that's life...

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Day 68- Procedure #14

I DON'T HAVE AN EX-FIX ON MY ARM!!!! Woohoo! So I was only kind of NPO. I had clear liquids for breakfast; for me that meant apple juice. I don't eat chicken broth or jello. I mean, seriously?! Those are NOT breakfast foods! Ew. So today I had a wound vac change, but my plastic surgeon wanted to do it, so I had to wait (without food) for what felt like forever, because it was. I didn't eat solid food from 11:30 pm- 11:30pm. Thanks, doc. I found out that the muscle flap surgery, or free flap, will be Tuesday. They have no idea how much hospital stays cost apparently.

Pre-op was quick and painless. Post-Op was fast. I think even the Op-Op (being in the OR) was relatively snappy, too. The only thing that dragged on and on was waiting and waiting to get "called" (not by Jesus, people). Did I mention I got my ex-fix off of my arm?! 'Cause I so did!!!

So I rocked PT twice today with no food or water!! Go me! And don't, for a second, think that my PT goes easy on me; she calls it boot camp (and she would know because her hubby runs one). I even beat my time wheeling around the nurses station by one minute (without breaks)!!!!

You know, some nurses are so rude, mean, and have just lost their compassion. They come in your room with an attitude and act like you're annoying to them. Please. I'm paying your salary, lady (literally, just got 2 of the first bills). Calm down and wipe that fake sugary, sweet smile off of your face. I know this happens in every profession (teaching), but this is your sign to GET OUT!

To be fair: Some nurses, PTs, and techs come into my room with true compassion and genuine love. A lot of my nurses show this, but there is one nurse and my PT in particular who possess these things so fully. I never feel like a burden when I ask for something. They show compassion and love to me. They treat me like a human being, not like an annoyance or an invalid. These two go above and beyond to make me feel strong and happy. I have many good people caring for me, but they're in a league of their own; like my mommy and daddy.

"You don't know you can be strong until you have to be."

And that's life...

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Day 67

Today was a pretty good day. I kicked butt in PT. I MIGHT get my ex-fix on my arm off this week (I demanded it from my doctor... Ha!). He also opened up my elbow a little bit more. It was awesome! My dear friend stopped by, brought me some amazingly delicious food, and told me people actually read these ramblings of my mind. Let me just say, I am so incredibly flattered. I also got offered an opportunity to help some people out from my current position, via a hilarious email exchange. I'm super excited about it!! So I might have the big bad muscle flap surgery tomorrow or Saturday. Again, hurry up and wait.

Romans 5:3-5
3 Not only so, but we[a] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
My friend told me to read these verses and I just want to comment my thoughts. I thought I had enough character, but God clearly disagreed. Hahaha!! However, I agree that perseverance produces hope. Some days hope is all I have and that;s because I try my hardest to persevere. I am constantly reminded of God's love and its outpouring on me through different people and moments.

Random tangent: I have a different sort of bed. It is kind of an air mattress. Someone has to deflate the seat (under your bottom) for me to get in and out of the bed. Also, it breathes. When I move it adjusts itself and lets out/gathers air when needed; it sounds like it;s breathing. Odd...
P.S. When I have the muscle flap surgery, I will be in ICU for 48-72 hours. I may or may not be able to blog. I'll try to get one of my parentals to keep y'all updated.

P.S.S. This is a short post when I thought it would be so long. Hahaha!

And that's life...

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Day 66- Procedure #13

So today's Pre/Post Op activities were more exciting than my actual procedure. After not eating or drinking after midnight, there was still a possibility that there would be no procedure. In the middle of PT, they called for me. Now this calling is not to be trifled with; when they call, you go. So I went. Then I waited about TWO and A HALF hours. I had to pee twice during this time which is not easy when you can't walk to the bathroom. I had to use a bedpan on a chair. Can you say awkward? It was. I'll spare you all of the details, I guess. Anyways, we get in there, and I know almost everyone in the room. Instead of THEM moving me to the table (which leaves me so sore the next day), I moved to the table. Woot! Go me! Then, I woke up in the OR, because it was over and I was supposed to, because the recovery was full. When they talked to me about everything, the anesthesiologist people decided to just take me to my room. I skipped recovery altogether. Haha! I hate going there anyways.

Today we watched The Princess Bride and Pride and Prejudice!! They were great! I also got to talk to one of my favorite nurses, So I would say today was pretty awesome!

My elbow is gaining some more movement. However, I am SO past ready to have this ex-fix removed!! It drives me nuts!

My disease control doctor told me that she's seen my plastic surgeon do what he's doing to me, making me wait, to other patients. She says he does this so that the wound bed is essentially perfect. I just wish he would come and talk to ME about it, but whatever. Or she could be covering for him. Meh. Who cares?

Warning, this part is mushy gushy: I still worry I will never walk again. Everyone assures me I will, but it's so hard to see when it takes like 2 minutes to get TO the bedside potty and 2 minutes to get BACK. I just can't see how I will walk on this leg that refuses to heal properly. Everyday I lose muscle in my calf and shin; I need those muscles to move this big ol' body around. I just have to keep positive on this topic, because right now I can't see it. Also, I'm super worried that after AAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL of this healing and non-healing, they will have to amputate my foot or leg after all. Now I'm told this is not likely, but who knows, right? I really try to remain positive about this, for obvious reasons. 

Ok, enough. Thank you for all of your prayers and thoughts. I miss my youth more than I can say. I love y'all!

Romans 5:3-5
3 Not only so, but we[a] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Day 65- Wacky Water Ride

Mom is currently trying to rearrange my room... She thinks it's going well, I think I'm on a dysfunctional quarter ride outside the grocery store. Help!! Hahaha! Well I'm all moved; the nurses will freak a bit. Ha! The sound mom's air mattress makes reminds me of mission trip. Oh my.

Yeah, that looks safe...

So procedure #13 is tomorrow. I don't think I'm getting the muscle flap tomorrow. Something about the doctors NOT COMMUNICATING ONCE AGAIN!! This is getting to be obnoxious. I mean, seriously? Get it together!! Instead I will be getting a wound vac change in the OR. I guess that's it.

I just chugged 2 apple juices and some water because I'm NPO (nothing by mouth) after midnight. There's a running joke amongst some people up here (including my parentals) that my name was "NPO No food after midnight". Ha! There's a sign across the hall and mom said they stole my name! Haha! She's hilarious.

I looooooove my water!!

I am really kind of ticked that I keep waiting around for this muscle flap. It's not like I want it, it's just that if it's "inevitable", then let's do it already!!! If there was a chance I wouldn't have to have it, I wouldn't worry so much; I'm getting it, it's apparently just a matter of when. I'm just miffed at the doctors (not my personal one) and the whole situation. I hurry up and wait. Ugh! On the upside, I get to see my favorite nurses and my amazing physical therapist (PT) while I wait. I love her. She kicks my butt; I'm in boot camp. It's painful, but worth it!!

Ok, that's all for tonight. Thanks for reading and please continue praying. Love y'all!

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Day 64- Procedure #12

Mommy and me before the procedure.

Everything went well with the wound vac change and elbow manipulation today. Apparently the wound bed is looking real useable. My doctor will consult an elbow specialist about my elbow, but he thinks the ex-fix will be gone soon!!!

Last night I put my own hair up! Woot woot!!! It wasn't pretty or well done, but I did it with my hands and my elbows!! This is a big deal. Ha!
My hair all brushed out and clean.

Today was another chill day. I slept most of the day. This back to back surgery thing kind of sucks, but at the same time it gives me no time to stress or think about the big, bad "what if".  I'm always sleeping.

When you're in the hospital there's this HIPPA thing where they ask your name and date EVERY time you get medication, food, X-rays, etc. It's so obnoxious. I say my name and date of birth what seems like 1928449899107234 times a day. Hahaha! End rant.

Feel free to ask questions or tell me things you want me to write about, and I'll do my best to answer/write.

Thank you for your thoughts, prayers, and time.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Day 63- I am clean!!!

Today I got to get CLEAN!! My hair was washed and I got a sponge bath (no hot nurses or techs, people...). The hair washing was GLORIOUS!! It was so nice. I had some fun visitors tonight, too. They had me laughing like crazy! Today was another chill day. We sat around and did nothing. I did have PT, though.

Guests watching TV instead of entertaining me. Kidding, they were GREAT!

Today is my parent's 28th wedding anniversary!! They had to hurry and get married so they could have my sister and ME! Seriously, though, my parents are amazing! I love them more than any words could explain and am so thankful they support me in the things I do. I'm happy they stand beside me and are strong for me when I cannot be strong. They are a blessing and a half each day I get to enjoy them and their company. They keep my spirit happy and light. I love them and would not trade them for the world.

I will have my 12th procedure tomorrow. I will have my wound vac changed, my elbow manipulated, and my wound bed assessed. Sounds like fun, huh? Too bad I'll miss it because I'll be sleeping. Haha! I go in at 7:15; that is not early when you consider blood draws start at 5 am.

Right now I'm off for a ride in the wheelchair with my seester!!

The seester and I.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Day 62- Zzzzzz

I needed this when I found it. Weird how that happens...
Today was a day of rest. Except for when I wasn't resting, like during PT. Ha! I am still in quite a bit of pain. It's not managed yet. I have a burning pain where he pulled out the screws to take out my plate and an aching pain where he put in the pins. However, I spent most of the day sleeping. That was really nice. I think I will have my tibia and talus fused which will limit the up and down motion of my foot and ankle; think pushing on the gas pedal. This scares me, but again, one day at a time. I will have a wound vac change some time this weekend. My parents anniversary is tomorrow and they are going out for dinner; they deserve it.

Since this is a short one, I am going to talk about my great nursing staff and such. I have had such great luck with getting some of the best and most passionate nurses, techs, surgeons, anesthesiologists, and PTs. Now, there are some I don't care for, but for the most part I have loved the staff that is taking care of me. Really, good care makes all of the difference. They make you feel welcomed and at home. They make you feel like it's going to be ok. I joke and try to be nice to anyone taking care of me. I say "please" and "thank you" and just try to be nice. I figure they have people who are mean to them all day; I can be their ray of sunshine like they are mine.This has worked in my favor a couple of times. For instance, I was put in a teeny, tiny room this time and got moved because a nurse remembered me and I told her I would like a bigger room; she made it happen. We actually moved while mom was out of the room. It was hilarious!! Anyways, there is a lesson in all of this; do unto others as you want them to do unto you and they just might. You never know who you're impacting; so be the best you you can be at all times. This is my shout out to the awesome people who are taking care of me!! Love you guys!

I had some great visitors come by today! I really appreciate all the visits. They help break up my day and allow me to feel a little normalcy in my crazy hectic life.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Day 61- Surgery # 11

It's kind of sad when you're in pre-op and people left and right remember and say hi to you. Ha! It's like I'm a celebrity. Surgery today included taking out 1 plate, clearing out the little bit of dead bone (due to the infection), changing the wound vac, and adding an ex-fix; not the ilizarov. I finally psyched myself up for ilizarov, then I don't even get it!! Let me tell you, this one HURTS!!! I feel like my leg is on fire. I have started the pain meds again. I feel like I actually have a broken ankle. I'm all achy and have searing pain in some places. I am not digging this surgery. I feel like I'm never going to heal... I will go back in this weekend for a wound vac change.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret that is not well known. When you're in the hospital and you are limited in mobility, you don't shed your skin like on a normal day. Therefore, when you scratch and such, (not to be nasty) you get all sorts of dried skin under your nails. Ew!! Also, oddly enough, you lose track of time and when you last had a sponge bath. It seems weird, but you do.

I got a great, fun, and entertaining visit today from a friend!! She made me forget all about my feelings of the surgery. I am so thankful that she stopped by (even after going to the wrong hospital first).

Emotionally this is/was a bad day. I feel like every time I take a (metaphorical) step forward, I take 5 back; do not pass "Go", do not collect $200. I just fee like I'm not getting better. I got word today that my doctor is going to fuse my bones after all, when I thought that was taken off the table a looooong time ago. This will limit my mobility in my ankle. This does NOT make me happy. I just want to be normal. I want to walk normally and have a normal life. Instead it looks as if I will probably not limp, but will not have the range I should and will be doing the hospital thing for a while longer. I'm praying for all of my readers; thank you for being so supportive and helpful.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Day 60

I HAVE THREE (3) NEGATIVE BACTERIA CULTURES!!!! Woot! well done, me. Well done. Tomorrow morning I will have my 11th surgery. My doctor will take my last 2 plates out of my leg. This means I will get the ilizarov ex-fix. Although I really don't want that, it sounds like I will be able to start walking pretty soon. Yay! I have some dead bone that will come out tomorrow; this should heal itself. My lower bones have apparently barely healed because of the infection. Today my elbow has been hurting and bothering me. I feel like if he doesn't hurry and take this ex-fix off I'm going to get arthritis in my shoulder! Haha! I can feel a few places where my doctor took out the screws and am not looking forward to that for tomorrow.

Vain alert: I have figured out that a lot of the reason I don't want the ilizarov is because it will make my already scarred up leg have even more scars. I mean, I'm pasty and that won't change. It's not like my color will cover them up. My leg will be full of scars. I feel the same about the pins in my arm. Ok, enough.

I had 6 people come visit me today. My granny brought us dinner! A dear friend of mine brought me cupcakes!! I also got some PB&Js and a goodie bag! Go me!! I really am thankful for everything I am given and everyone who has me in their prayers.
White chocolate red velvet cupcake- YUM!!!
Food for thought... Get it?

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Day 59- Procedure #10

Just go ahead and name the Pre-Op or OR after me already!! Today I had my tenth trip to the OR. It went well. I got a wound vac put on, though. I guess that's good. I'm not too sure yet. My doctor told my mom he's going to take out my other plates. This is so not good. The ilizarov looms closer and closer... However, my doctor said I can walk with the ilizarov; now I don't think that means immediately because I assume the bones still have to heal. I'll ask tomorrow. I have my elbow moving half way!! I'm getting there.

I'm trying to make peace with the inevitable ilizarov and muscle flap surgery (and not being able to move for a week minimum). I'm trying, I am. I think I have forgiven the girl who hit me. It wasn't necessarily her fault; even if it was, I need to let it go.

If anyone is itching to help my dear family, we need dinners brought or gift cards to buy dinners (please remember we have no refrigeration and can't keep left overs). My parents come up every evening to hang out with me. Mom stays the night with me every night. Dinner gets super expensive when you buy it every night. I love my parents more than I could possibly express in words and am so thankful I have them. I feel bad being here because we all eat every night and I know it's become a financial hardship on them (though they won't say so). So if you feel the need to help, please do something about dinner. You are invited to come eat up here with us if you'd like. Visitors are always welcome.

Thank you all again for being so supportive with your words of encouragement and prayers. It makes me happy to know so many people are rooting for me. Thanks!!!

The view of my leg. Ha!
My view of my arm.

Your view of my arm.

Me!! I look so squished. Hahaha!

Monday, October 15, 2012

Day 58-Boring

So today was a regular boring day. I read a lot of my book and took a few naps. I had an X-ray. I had my 2 doses of physical therapy. I saw a few people I know (on staff and off). I also got a Nerf gun!! So fun! My leg feels a bit odd, but nothing I can't handle. The electricity has gone off twice today and is expected to be off all night... I think someone hit a transponder. I prayed for them. Someone made us dinner and dessert tonight!! Thanks! I'm running out of water. We'll need some more soon. Did I mention that today was boring? It was. Ha!

Tomorrow I will not have the muscle flap surgery. My surgeon (doctor) will still do something or another at about 3:30. I hate afternoon surgeries!! That means no food or drinks from 12 tonight until 3:30 tomorrow. Ugh!! Ridiculous. Anyways, my plastic surgeon is worried that the bacteria will eat the muscle if he does that specific surgery tomorrow. He wants to wait 5-7 days to make sure the bacteria will be ok.

Emotionally I did very well today. I worried about today, and not tomorrow.I kept busy. Let's see if I can do the same tomorrow. I still feel a bit confused about the "why", but I'm working on it. Also on forgiveness. I'll be praying.

Thank you all for your support and prayers!! Love y'all!

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Day 57- Surgery # 9

I'm going to start by saying, can they name the OR after me already?! Jeez. Hahahahaha!!

So today I had one of my plates taken out. My doctor is trying to track it down so I can keep it (don't worry, I'll post a pic). Haha! The top half of my bones are pretty much healed, but the bottom ones are not because of the infection... I'm still praying for no ilizarov, but also for what needs to be done to get me better. I am continuing to work on my elbow. It's SO stiff! Currently I have this syringe apparatus in my PICC line because once again it will not draw blood? Why, do you ask, is this so important? I hate having blood drawn more than most anything!! I know, I know, I've been through waaaaaay worse pain, but I hate it. Also, they almost always bruise me. This morning I had THREE blood draws and my stupid PICC line can't draw blood!!!! UGH! Let's not forget that blood draws start at 5am. Seriously? Yes. I'm debating asking for a new PICC line when I go in on Tuesday. WE HAVE BLOOD!! Woot! My surgery took about 2ish hours and my plastic surgeon checked my ankle while I was in there. When they're about to put me under, I breathe in the mask a super lot, real fast because I am always worried that they will start my surgery before I'm asleep (which wouldn't happen...). Anyone else have this fear or do this (not that you're probably in a position to have surgery that often)? I will most likely get X-rays again tomorrow. Guess who's not in isolation anymore?! This girl! Guess who doesn't have a wound vac (at least for now)?! Yep, me again!! Love it!

Today's bruise. The lines are from a blood pressure cuff...
Someone offered to teach me how to knit!! I'm so excited and can't wait to start! Last night my lovely seester came up here and painted my toes like Jack-o-lanterns and spider webs and watched a movie with me. We also got Rosa's!!! Yum yum. She's so sweet! I got moved to a bigger room; my old room!!! This is great because the first one was waaaay too small (you had to go outside to change your mind and I can't even leave!!) for all of my equipment and family. Today my BFF stopped by to give me my graduation/birthday present!!! I love it!

I did well to just worry about today so far. Although I was out half the day... Ha! I'll let you know tomorrow how I handle it. Other than that, I am trying to be positive.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Day 56

I got my X-ray today about the first thing this morning!!! Yay! I will be having my 9th surgery tomorrow. I will be losing one plate tomorrow and  my doctor will check the other, which will probably have bacteria on it. The chances are low it won't, but there IS still a chance! We shall see. I'm working on loosening my elbow since my doctor extended it. Go me! I also got to get out and in the wheel chair today. I did TWO rounds. I have only ever done 1. Jenae 3, other stuff 0. Woot!

Real quick I'll clarify the days, I started all of this on August 18th. Sometimes I write real late at night/early morning, but count it for the day I am in, not always the actual day. Also, I can't count. So this is day 56 for sure. Haha! And they're going to let me teach children! Awww... I miss my youth. Do you see the ADDness? Ok, moving on...

Today was kind of rough. I really don't want the ilizarov ex-fix. Like REALLY don't want it. Therefore I am stressing and worrying about it. I need to let it go and worry about today, but that is so hard when you're stuck in bed all day and have no distractions and daily stress. I have figured out I have not come to terms with being in the wreck (why me?) and with having to be patient in my recovery. I am working on this. I need to accept that I was in a life-threatening wreck, lived, and now have to recover. I struggle with feeling like I did something to deserve this. I know this makes no sense, but it still crosses my mind. I also need to stop thinking about the "what-ifs". I need to forgive the person who hit me. I have to let go. It's so much harder than that; I can't just let it go. I don't know why, but I can't. I just need to take things one day at a time and stress about things when the time is right. That is my goal. I will ask God to help me better cope with my life and to stress and worry about things that need stress and worry and at the right time. I will also pray for an acceptance to my temporary condition. This time next year, I'll look back and see how trivial these things were. However, that's hard to do right this second, but I'll give it a shot.
This is me typing with TWO hands!!!