200th Post- the struggle is real.

First, this is my 200th post!! Who knew? Crazy how far I've come in such a relatively short amount of time.

I would be lying if I said today was easy. Mom cooked in the house for the first time. I know they have to eat, but I wish it didn't smell SO good!!!! I'm already dying from the cloyingly, sickeningly sweet protein shakes that I am drinking, then she goes and makes sausage. I had a mini-breakdown. I kept trying to remind myself that bigger goals are just out of reach if I can just hang on. While we're on this, the saying, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels," means nothing to fat people. I have never been skinny, so I don't know how that feels. Duh.

Anyhow, my friend, who has had the lap-band and done fabulously, wrote the most beautiful thing on my Facebook. It perfectly captures how I feel and I kept reminding myself of these things while trying not eat all the sausage!!
"This will be one of the hardest, but most rewarding journeys of your life. There will be days in the beginning that you will wonder what you were thinking. There will be a day when you can taste a protein shake without ever putting it up to your lips and it'll make your stomach churn. There will be trials with the new foods you'll learn to tolerate and possibly even like. There will be days that you will mourn your loss of food.
But then... There will be days that you will be able to run and play and still feel like a million dollars. There will be healthy babies, playing on the floor with them, riding roller coasters, and watching them grow into adults without having to worry about your high blood pressure, arthritis and diabetes taking your life first. There will a beautiful wedding gown that you have a choice of instead of the one they had in your size. There will be sitting in booths at your favorite restaurant, being able to tie your shoes, and sitting comfortably on a plane. There will be less doctor visits, less medicine, less pain and better health. There will be a new way that people treat you. There will be shopping for clothes because it's fun to try the latest styles. There will be a day when you eat to live instead of living to eat, and food becomes secondary to all the joys in your life.
In short, there will be a new adventure for you, one where YOU are the participant and not just the spectator. Take it by the horns! Enjoy the ride, even when it's rough, I promise- it'll be worth it in the end!"

For those of you on the edge of your seats (and probably now crying), I did NOT eat any sausage. I drank my water and then another shake for dinner. BAM!

Jenny:1                                 Fat:0

Sucker.

And that's life... 

April Fools

It's taken me a while to write because I've been waiting for something exciting to happen... Well, it has! My surgery was moved to April 1!! No April Fools Day for me. Haha! 

Also, I took a pre-op nutrition class yesterday. Basically, I stay on liquids for the three weeks leading up to my surgery, and then the three weeks after. Next, I began eating mushy (applesauce consistency) foods while supplementing with protein shakes for protein (duh). After that, I slowly begin adding foods back. 

I also learned from the class that 30-40% of people have to have their gallbladders taken out 2-6 months after their weight loss surgery because of the rapid weight loss. So I'll be having a sonogram to see if mine is ok and if they'll take it out while I'm having my surgery. Apparently they use the same holes and cut through the same muscles. It makes sense to take it out if it seems like it might rebel. Ha! 

I will start my liquid diet today and will drink my first protein shake meal after I get my pre-op blood work done. I'm already feeling starved, but I also can't eat until after the blood work. I'm trying to remember how happy I am to do this and how exciting it is when I get grouchy or hangry (it's a word). This is a small step that will yield great things!! "This time next year" (said in my best good ol' boy voice) I'll be healthier and happier! 

There are lots of recipes for shakes that I'm eager to try. As well as protein ice cream!! Yes I did just buy an ice cream machine and Popsicle molds. I'll let you know all of my favorites! 

I am so excited to do this and can't wait to share my journey!! I'm extremely happy that I get to choose this for myself without life-or-death consequences hanging over my head. This is my decision to make a change for the better, for my life. I choose to have this surgery so I can be healthy. 

Just a warning, if you are not in support of me or have something nasty to say about me "taking the easy way out", save it. Nothing about surgery is easy. Would I have liked to exercised my way thin? Sure. Was I able to make that happen? No. Do I care what you think? No. So keep your negativity to yourself. That being said, I have had only positive feedback and loving support from my family and friends thus far. The closer I get to April 1, the more ecstatic I get!!!

 And that's life! 

The Post You've All Been Waiting For...

Who am I kidding?! I've been waiting for it, too!!! After one stress test (lots of sweating, you didn't miss much there) and a cardiologist appointment, which I aced of course (I mean, I had 20-something surgeries; I'm a pro and my heart can handle anesthesia), I FINALLY have a date!!! 

On April 8 I will be having the vertical sleeve surgery. Woohoo!! 

I have to go to a pre-op class, a nutrition class, and have a physical before my surgery. 2 of those will be on the same day and the other one is on the first day of my (still) 4 week liquid diet. On March 11 I will start my liquid diet. That's during spring break... After the first three days I'll be ok. Haha! I think I'm really going to like that I have to drink their protein and not make any choices. 

I cannot tell you HOW excited I am for this to FINALLY be happening!! It feels like I've been waiting forever. I have made a board on Pinterest with new and healthy recipes that I can honestly say I'm eager to try. This will be a tough change for me and will alter not only my waist line, but also my brain. I can't wait to get started!!! 

And that's life...

They scoped me!

So I know it's been awhile, but I've really had nothing to report... Until today! As you probably know, I switched surgeons. They sent me to have an EGD done at a hospital about an hour from me at 6:30 this morning. UGH! However, it was well worth the drive because it turns out I have a hernia in my diaphragm/esophagus. This means the hospital will split my sleeve surgery with me! I'm pretty excited although the recovery people couldn't figure out why I would be happy. Haha!

Tomorrow I will call and hopefully schedule my surgery for the last time. Again, I'm excited to start my weight loss journey, even though my doctor said that I will have to be on a liquid diet for FOUR WEEKS!! Ew. They do give me a system of protein, which is good for me to just have limited options for "eating". Otherwise, I'll do more debating than anything and then get hangry (yes it's a new word for consideration) and then talk myself out of everything and not eat. He basically said that my BMI is twice what it should be, no shock there, and that my liver is probably twice its normal size. I'm not sure I necessarily agree with this, but I'm not a doctor, so I'll be on liquids for four weeks. After the first three days it's not that bad anyways. What I took away from it- with humor of course- is that I'm too overweight for weight loss surgery!! Haha! How crazy!

I'll keep you updated with any news I hear. I'm one step closer to being a success story!!! Yay!

And that's life...

Womp womp.

After spending alllll of Thanksgiving NOT eating, and after watching everyone else eat the yummy snacks and s'mores at our Advent Celebration last night, I'm not having surgery. Yes, it sucks, but it's not the end of the world. I proved to myself my commitment and how strong I can be. I showed anyone who has any doubts how much I want this. I also learned how to better prepare for January. I thought I was prepared this time, but next time I will REALLY be ready!

I will freeze what soup I have left over for after the surgery. I will still practice not drinking 30 minutes before or after my meals. I will be even better next time!

I am not discouraged because I now know that I CAN and WILL do this! I learned valuable self-control and self-denial lessons. And, most importantly, I didn't cheat even ONCE! Go me!!!

Recap of the famine of the last 6 days. Wednesday sucked. I wanted to eat anything and everything I could get my hands on, but I didn't. Thursday wasn't too good because it was Thanksgiving, I was cranky, and I wanted to eat my weight in pumpkin pie; but I didn't. Friday through Sunday were fairly easy. I got headaches from low blood sugar, but quickly learned how to even all of that out by being on a schedule. Being conscious of exactly when I ate made this whole thing so much easier! Now, it wasn't easy, but my "meal" awareness made life less miserable.

I'm still excited and waaaaaay less nervous about the surgery because of this liquid diet. I bet my liver is SUPER tiny!! Ha! Surgery is scheduled for January 15 as of now. Until then I will eat appropriate portions, continue to split meals with Dad, be purposeful in meal planning, and watching when I drink.

P.S. We ate Spring Creek tonight (split a plate) and it was the most divine food I have ever put in my mouth! Delish!!

And that's life... Take the curve balls and knock them out of the park!!

Shrink That Liver

This week's game is called Shrink That Liver!! I will win by drinking only liquids- soups, water, and yogurt- for a week!

Wednesday: I think there's something wrong with me. I woke up excited. Excited. "To what?", you ask. To be on a liquid diet. I know it's weird, but I'm ready for everything! We've spent the last two days making 5 different homemade soups!! I have enough protein and am stoked! 

That was, until about 11:30 when I got a call saying that the surgery might be postponed because they didn't think I would get authorization in time. Ugh. My options were to be on the liquid diet and hope I get approved for next Wednesday, or "enjoy" the holidays and have surgery in January. Well I can't enjoy the holidays because I am ready to lose some serious weight!! So I have chosen to have a little blind faith and be on the liquid diet and pray that I will have surgery next Wednesday after all. 

/Rant/ Why are they waiting until this week to get authorization?! Why did they tell me Friday that I am missing some 3 key pieces of paperwork? I don't get it and it makes me mad, but I'm going to deal with it and do what I can. /End Rant/

You might be wondering why I need to shrink my liver. I had the same question, and the answer is that your liver is on top of your stomach. To reach the stomach (lapriscopically) they must be able to see it under the liver. Therefore, I have to shrink my liver so my stomach is easier to see. I can see it just fine, but apparently the doctors might have trouble... Haha! If the liver isn't shrunk, they will either NOT operate or open me up. So... SHRINK THAT LIVER!!

Thursday: Today was Thanksgiving and I sat at the table while people around me ate. I did pretty well once I had started eating for the day. I think I'm hypoglycemic; I get extremely grouchy and downright mean when I'm hungry. I drank lots of water and wish I could have eaten everything on the table in mass quantities. But, I didn't cheat once. Go me!! Dad was strong throughout the whole day and didn't eat anything we weren't allowed to either. We rock!

My relationship with food took a backseat to my will  to be healthy today. I don't think it likes that very much. Some of my hunger was pure, raw hunger, but I'm sure some was head hunger. I am learning to tell myself no, a trait I have down with everything but food. I deny myself many things, but food is not one of them. Now I will deny myself what I do not need. Next year's Thanksgiving I will look awesome and will eat everything in small, tiny portions!! Yay!

We are practicing not drinking 30 minutes before and after meals. This is hard for me, but I am doing my best. I literally time myself so that I wait the 30 minutes after, but before is more of a guesstimation. It's hard, but worth it.

Two of the soups I made taste less than delicious. One had far too much garlic and the other tasted very plain. However, the lentil soup I made looks gross, but is pretty good! It tastes like pureed black eyed peas; with a little salt it wasn't so bad!

I am about to devour a shake and my Thanksgiving is complete!

Oh, I am thankful for my supportive family and friends and all that I have learned in the last year.

And that's life...

So... Weight loss.

First things first: my awesome new leg done by the fabulous Lane Farr!!

 
I have taken a hiatus from blogging because people chose to believe they knew me and what I do based solely on my blog (or Facebook). I assure you this is not the case. However, as I am about to change my whole life, again, so I have chosen to write some more.

I have thought about weight loss surgery since I graduated high school (back in 2007). I've always been a little bit afraid to do it because it's irreversible and a completely different way to live my life: without food as my comfort. I'm not going to lie, I love to eat. Unfortunately, food loves me a little too much and it's finally time for me to ditch the clingy ball and chain and find freedom in a life not ruled by food. I have done three dietician visits, one psychological evaluation, one sleep study, and one support meeting and I feel like I am ready. On November 27, 3 days after my first ampuversay, I will start a liquid diet. Yes, I'm aware I will be eating soup at Thanksgiving, but food has run my life for far too long! I put my foot down!! Ha! Get it? I will be on said diet for a week and December 4th I will have the gastric sleeve performed. I will be on the liquid diet for another 2 weeks, then soft foods, then slowly add regular foods back into my diet.

I have chosen the gastric sleeve because the lap band seems like it will not allow me to lose enough weight and the bypass has repercussions such as not being able to absorb nutrients. Since I'm only 25, yes I said ONLY, and I might want to have kids one day, I chose the safest route to lose weight with the sleeve. Babies are statistically smaller and sometimes have more problems when a mother who has had the bypass done gives birth.

I am both excited and nervous about this whole operation (see what I did there?). However, I'm more excited than scared. This time next year I will look awesome!! I will post pictures, honest accounts of what I feel like, my real struggle with food, and update you on how I handle stuff... Get ready! Please feel free to ask questions; I will answer them with my honest opinion and what facts I have.

I am truly blessed because my family will be doing the liquid diet with me and also a few friends will be starting this journey with me. Pretty cool, right? I can tell you what some of my biggest problems will be right now- not drinking water 30 minutes before, during, or 30 minutes after a meal. I will have to leave my water bottle in another room so that I am not tempted. Getting all my protein in for the day will also be a challenge since I need like 80 grams a day. What will NOT be a problem is drinking my 64 ounces of water a day; easy peasy!

I'm sure there was more I wanted to say, but my head is full of lots of stuff right now. I'll keep you posted!!

In case you missed my amazing Halloween costume, I'll post it here again! Yeah, I went there. Hahahaha!

And that's life...