Day 123

Today is the fourth month since my accident. Consequently it's the first time I have been in a car in the rain. Dad drove, of course, but it brought back memories and tears. It's still scary to be in a car in the rain. Dad said that he has good tires and will be safe. I looked at him and reminded him that's what I had and what I was doing when I got hit.

We were out in the rain because we were shopping for baking stuff. I promised Dad's 7th period class some brownies for ALL passing their benchmarks! They're the only class to do so thus far (apparently). I don't think this would have been the case when I was in school, but that's a different topic. Also, I'm making stuff for our family Christmas dinner.

I taught one of Dad's classes today!! I think it went pretty well. I was a bit short winded, but it all worked out. Also, Daddy told all of his students to call me Ms. Moore and not Jenny anymore. Haha! I was reactivated on the sub list today. Yay me!!

So in the rain, in the car, I start thinking. Yeah, that's never really a good idea. I think about how seconds could have saved or killed me. See? I shouldn't think. Then I thought about that girl... Can you see where this is going? Yep. Tear Town. I alternate between hate (not actual hate, but at least severe dislike), and feeling bad for her. I think the boy in the car with her may have had more trauma than I did. Certain things I have found out since the accident have lead me to this conclusion. Anyways, I feel bad for her. Then I hate her again. She was just a dumb teenager going too fast on a wet road. Still, it sucks.

Ok. This is Christmas (although I can't convince me of that). This is the ultimate season of Life and new beginnings and forgiveness. I'm going to give all of those a shot with this girl. I'm going to try to forgive. I won't be able to forget and will try real hard not to pick it up again, but that's really difficult for me. I just want to move on from her and this accident. Will this matter in two years? No. I will still be an amputee, but I will be fine and mobile and back to my normal life. So anyways, I'm going to try. I'm going to forgive this girl and move on. For real. Ok, at least I'm going to try. That's all anyone can really ask.

And that's life...

Day 122

Today I got to sleep in again and still go to work with Daddy! He taught about genetics which was awesome because I was there so they could see traits from parent to child. We also got to roll our tongue every period and show off our whistling trick. Haha! It was awesome!

Someone told me that I was lucky today. I assured them that I was because I just lost my foot, but had my life. This is true. However, I realized I say what people want to hear. I do think I'm blessed, but I'm also very hurt about losing my foot. I know one day I probably won't care, but I do right now.

I have lost my mobility; it was taken away from me. It's hard to get up with one arm and leg. It's hard to get around that way, too. I'm confined to a wheel chair. I tell myself I'm lucky and that this is temporary, but I won't listen. I apparently can't see past that right now. Plus, it's not really that temporary; my foot isn't going to grow back. I have a lot of things going for me. A lot of things happened in my favor like that my amputation was below the knee, I'm young, and it's temporary. It's not always easy to remember that, though. I am thankful for all the things that are favoring me, but I'm sad about the things that aren't favoring me or that haven't favored me.

It seems like I fight, and fight, and fight, but to no avail. I guess things are still not moving at the pace I wish they would. I feel like this is just an ongoing thing that will get fractionally better, but not back to normal. I know this isn't true and that one day I will be back to normal or will make a new normal, but I don't want what's happening now to be that new normal.

Dad tried to get me to teach a couple of his classes (after I had heard the lesson), but I wouldn't. I don't feel back to my confident teacher self yet. I feel like the students see me as weak. I'm sure they really don't, but that's how I perceive it right now. I'll have to get over that in order to do what I'm called to do. I feel like I can still be an effective youth leader somehow, but teaching is different. Maybe it's because I know my youth kids and that they were taught not to judge others. I don't know. It's complicated. I need to get my confidence back.

And that's life...

Day 121

Today I got to sleep in!! I wasn't going to go to school with anyone, but Daddy came and got me on his conference. Really, it was a win win; I got extra sleep and to go to school! I watched Dad teach and enjoyed his classes.

Mom came to pick me up and we went to wound care. Unfortunately they just made me an appointment for the day AFTER I see my ortho surgeon. We'll see if it's necessary after my visit. I was under the impression the wound care would be quick and on site, not in the hospital away from therapy and needing an appointment. Not what we were told. Hmmm... That seems to be a trend.

After that non-wound-care visit, I had my OT evaluation. Again, a let down. Apparently we can't do much with this left arm until it's out of the brace. I keep trying to convince my ortho to take it off, but it doesn't work that way. Ha! Who knew? So my left arm and hand are weak (DUH) and I'll get exercises on my next visit, which is the 31st. This is a slow moving train that better pick up speed or I will do the exercises without them. I can't wait around and get weak because they can't get it together. Ugh!!

We ate dinner and watched some Nikita (we are all caught up now). Now I will shower and go to sleep so I can go to someone's school with them tomorrow!

And that's life...

Day 120

This morning I started out with a stress-free shower. I don't think I will ever get enough showering. Ha! Then I combed and dried my hair and did my make-up. Next, I got dressed and all the rest of the way ready.

We all went to church, then Dad and I spent some time together. We ate some lunch and did some time-wasting shopping. We met up with my sister for a bit more shopping. Then, we headed home.

We ate dinner while I wrapped a gift. Then Dad and I were off to one of my favorite holiday traditions: Progressive Dinner. I did not get to participate in the whole thing, but I did get to see my lovely youth!!! The dessert portion of the meal (appetizer, salad, entree', and dessert) was at my pastor's beautiful home. The kids ate sundaes with tons of toppings, then we exchanged gifts!! It was so good to see my "children" and to have such a fun night!! I love you guys! It was a great day all around.

And that's life...

Day 119

Today was a nice Saturday. We all slept in (in our own beds; it's still soooo nice to say that). After getting up, I did my hair and make up, but had no clothes to wear. So Dad had to do some laundry. Ha! I had A LOT!! I did put on underwear for the first time in months!!! It's difficult to do with only one good arm to extend. Try it!

After the laundry came out of the dryer, I did some OT and hung it all up. However, now they're just hanging in the doorways because we don't think there's room in my closet. It got "reorganized" while I was away; now it's different.

My sister came to visit. We talked about all sorts of interesting topics. She brought stuff to talk about the wedding she is planning for "one day". She has to get asked first. I enjoy talking to her and her being so excited, but it makes me a little sad. It makes me feel like I'll never get married. I know I'm young, but it's every girls' dream.

Some friends stopped by and we exchanged wound care stuff. Which is what Dad and I are about to do before I go back to bed. I think I must still be catching up. Plus, I might be a bit weak... Probably not, though; just catching up. Ha ha!

A bunch of people I know graduated today. I would like to take a second to congratulate them and say how PROUD I am of them!! My PT graduated. An old friend graduated. One of my besties graduated. A friend from "the program" graduated. A woman from church graduated. I am so happy for all of you and am glad you're taking the next steps in your lives. You're all amazing and will do GREAT things!!!

And that's life...

Day 118

Today I slept in and was a little lazy. It was so nice! I laid in my bed for like an hour. Then I decided to comb out my hair. So I combed 100 strokes. Then I made my way into the living room.

I ate a cinnamon roll a church member made me; oh wow, it was delicious!! I also had some Promise Land chocolate milk, my favorite ever! I watched some recorded Once Upon A Time then started to get ready.

I twisted my hair back (all by myself!!) and used bobby pins and everything! I applied my makeup and got all dressed. Then I waited for Mom to pick me up. She took me to On The Border to meet some friends. One of my best friends is graduating college and I am so so proud of her!! She has worked so hard to finish and it has finally paid off. We had drinks for her and another friend (who I am also extremely proud of!!). I mostly tasted people's drinks rather than get my own because of the healing process I'm trying to expedite. After that great reunion and tons of laughter, we left for Dad's "Friday after payday" dinner.

Consequently, that was also at On The Border. We ate with the staff and my sister came. We laughed and joked and had a great time! A guy told me he had dislocated his elbow a while back and it took 6 months to stop hurting. He had a different accident, but recognized my brace. Ha! Who knew?! It was very interesting to talk to him. I kind of wish I could have asked a lot of questions about healing, but he was a server and was busy.

Next, we got ice cream and went home to decorate the tree!! Mostly Sister did it, but I watched. We listened to Christmas music (some Straight No Chaser and Trans Siberian Orchestra) while she trimmed the tree. After that busy day, I was pooped. It's time for bed now.

And that's life...

Day 117

Today I went to work with Mommy!! We saw lots of amazing people who have been praying for me and reading my blog. She made me do LOTS of PT and OT stuff! Ha! I shredded papers. I transferred to and from the car and potty. I rolled myself down the hallway. I was awesome!

I went into a kindergarten class today and of course curiosity got the best of a few kids. They asked me what happened to my leg. I explained that I was in a car accident and a car hit me. I said that the doctors worked really hard to save my leg, but couldn't. Not to worry, though, that I was getting a new leg. I told them I also hurt my arm, but it's much better now. They accepted that and moved on to how so-and-so mixed the play-doh colors. Haha! Kids are precious! I explained the same thing to a group of 4th graders walking down the hallway.

I talked with a lady who I've known forever and whose daughter was also in a car wreck a while back. We have different stories, for sure. She told me that I was welcome to visit them and take a shower in their shower. Everything is wheel chair accessible. It was so sweet!!

Next I went with Mom to the basketball game to take money for the tickets. I saw one of my beautiful youth! I had Daddy come pick me up because I was tired. However, we went to Home Depot to look around. I went potty there all by myself! Then we went home and ordered pizza. We watched a few shows and I took a shower ( still working on setup so this is a frustrating time). Now I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open.

And that's life...