Thursday, May 9, 2013

Midweek festivities

Real conversation between Dad and I after something the radio announcers said about sports...

Dad: Do you know what oblique muscles are?
Me: Yeah, they're right here. *Points at sides of belly.*
Dad: Well those are your external obliques. You have internal obliques, too. When you eat ribs, that's what you're eating; the obliques. 
Me: Obliques are yummy!! 
Dad: *Shakes head and laughs.* I knew I wouldn't gross you out with that. 

Wednesday we started off the day with a flat tire. I was scheduled to sub half a day; so I left when Mom did in the morning since the schools are doing state testing and she was giving a test. I had no way to get there other than being on campus for the whole day. That was lucky for the school. Apparently the girl I'm in lockdown with all day was NOT testing and they needed me for all 8 hours. Lucky, lucky, lucky! I had brought my tablet with me, so, naturally, I read the whole time.

Mom had a meeting after school and I had to watch the student and their sibling while the teachers met. Booooooring! I forgot how many questions younger kids ask! Whew. The meeting lasted sooooo long, that I missed church. I was not very happy about that...

We finally got to go home! We had some dinner, watched the Rangers (we do this a LOT), and I read. I stayed up entirely too late because I had miscalculated my bed time. Dumb dumb. 

Thursday morning I got up with the same intent I'd had on Wednesday; half day lockdown. This time, she really DID have a test. So, I slept in Mom's office until it was time to sub. It was very nice! 

I read again and did my job. On Thursdays they have Chik-fil-a sandwiches for like $3, so that's what I had for lunch. I also got a good old fashioned ice cream sandwich from the cafeteria (which was FULL of rowdy kids, by the way). 

After school, Mom and I got her tire changed. We got queso at On the Border because I had coupon for a free one. It was yummy!! Happy hour happened to be during the time we were there, so I indulged a little. 

After the tire was taken care of, we went to Target. I ran into THREE different people I know!! How crazy. Next, we stopped at Payless. Now, I've been waiting to buy shoes until I know what I can do, but I couldn't wait any longer. I bought a pair of Tom-like shoes and adorable black flats. I'm taking them to PT on Monday to see if I can walk in them. Although I might try tomorrow night... I'm too tired to do any walking tonight. 

We got home and I read until bedtime! 

A little something I've been thinking about lately. Don't get cut, cause this gets deep! Haha! 

I thought that when I walked for the first time I would feel more joy; instead, I felt doubtful, scared, unbelieving. I know I can never go back to "normal", but I guess I thought walking would afford me at least some of that luxury. It didn't. I still feel like something is missing. Like I'm forgetting something. I am still learning. I knew it wouldn't be immediate, but I thought I would feel "healed"- and I don't. I feel one step above wheelchair bound. I just want to be normal. It's all I've ever wanted; well that and my fairy tell ending. Now I'm farther from either of those than ever.  I thought I would feel whole, but I feel just as broken as ever. I just don't know what I should feel or how I should deal with all this. It's almost like I thought walking would make it all better, but it failed miserably. I thought it would make it easy to forget the past and just move forward. Maybe it hasn't sunk in, or maybe it never will. I honestly can't say. I just hope I find my happiness somewhere. And soon. 

And that's life...

No comments:

Post a Comment