Let me start out by saying WOW!! Thank you for all of the thoughts and prayers. I had no idea the reach of my impact. God bless you all!
Now down to business. So today I found out that I am getting a plate removed this weekend (clearly on Sunday). What does this mean? Well I won't know until I have an X-ray. I was told that at about 8:00 this morning and did not go to X-ray all day... I mean come on!! I'm here sitting around all day by myself, the least we could do is go to X-ray to break up my day, besides, the guys know me. Ha! So I waited ll day to learn nothing about my surgery (definitely qualifies as a surgery and not a procedure...). Now, I know you're thinking, "But, are your bones healed?" "Will it be more than one plate?". These are the questions I had and asked and got the answer, "We'll know more when I see the X-ray." So I know one plate will definitely be removed and if another plate is removed I have to get the hideous and terrible ex-fix on my leg. It's called an ilizarov (seriously don't look if you're squeamish; although if you made it through my first post, you'll be ok). Also, I mentioned I had some weird bacteria that eats muscle flaps, correct? Well, I'll be getting the muscle flap surgery on Tuesday. Also, this weird bacteria eats my flesh, but isn't a flesh eating bacteria... What?! If it eats MY flesh, I'm going to consider it a flesh eating bacteria. Because it ate my flesh. Is that right? Haha!
Emotions: So I really do NOT want this ex-fix. It scares me and I don't want to have to cope with anything else. I mean, seriously? So as if I don't have enough to worry about, now I have to worry about this thing. UGH!! I know I'm not on my timeline (because I would have been done with this a looooong time ago), but I hate the "hurry up and wait" game. I know God won't give me more than I can handle, but I don't want to handle theses things. It's not always that easy to stay positive, there's a lot to be negative about. However, I know Jesus loves me and DIED for me; I figure this isn't as bad as that was... In case you're wondering, no, this does not always get me through. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and feel like I can't handle it, but then some picture or story or something reminds me I can. It's weird; it's a God thing. Let me tell you the worst part of every day; the question "why?". If that word didn't exist, my brain would have nothing to think about. Why, after accepting what God is calling me to do (teacher and youth director) and spending all summer doing what He needed me to (2 mission trips, 2VBS's, etc.) did I get hit and put in the hospital? Why do I have to put my life on hold? I just graduated college and should be starting the real "adult" part of my life. I should be working. I should be walking around. But I'm not; I'm stuck in a bed all day because someone else lost control. If I just would have waited 2 minutes to leave. I couldn't have known; so alas, I digress. It's hard for me to try to understand. Maybe it's not about understanding, but I don't know what to do sometimes. I constantly ask God why, and He constantly doesn't reveal His master plans to me. Weird. I guess I am just a regular human after all. Ha! Here's another thing I don't understand, why (there's that word again) do I keep telling nurses "thank you" for giving me a shot or my doctor for giving me bad news?! I think something is wrong with me! Hahaha! Well I guess I KNOW there's something wrong with me. I get excited for physical therapy and do extra exercises when no one is here. I'm an odd one. So I guess all I can tell you is thank God I'm ADD (self-diagnosed. haha!), I have an amazing support system starting with my parents, and can laugh at myself and my situation.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 134:14