Now down to business. So today I found out that I am getting a plate removed this weekend (clearly on Sunday). What does this mean? Well I won't know until I have an X-ray. I was told that at about 8:00 this morning and did not go to X-ray all day... I mean come on!! I'm here sitting around all day by myself, the least we could do is go to X-ray to break up my day, besides, the guys know me. Ha! So I waited ll day to learn nothing about my surgery (definitely qualifies as a surgery and not a procedure...). Now, I know you're thinking, "But, are your bones healed?" "Will it be more than one plate?". These are the questions I had and asked and got the answer, "We'll know more when I see the X-ray." So I know one plate will definitely be removed and if another plate is removed I have to get the hideous and terrible ex-fix on my leg. It's called an ilizarov (seriously don't look if you're squeamish; although if you made it through my first post, you'll be ok). Also, I mentioned I had some weird bacteria that eats muscle flaps, correct? Well, I'll be getting the muscle flap surgery on Tuesday. Also, this weird bacteria eats my flesh, but isn't a flesh eating bacteria... What?! If it eats MY flesh, I'm going to consider it a flesh eating bacteria. Because it ate my flesh. Is that right? Haha!
Emotions: So I really do NOT want this ex-fix. It scares me and I don't want to have to cope with anything else. I mean, seriously? So as if I don't have enough to worry about, now I have to worry about this thing. UGH!! I know I'm not on my timeline (because I would have been done with this a looooong time ago), but I hate the "hurry up and wait" game. I know God won't give me more than I can handle, but I don't want to handle theses things. It's not always that easy to stay positive, there's a lot to be negative about. However, I know Jesus loves me and DIED for me; I figure this isn't as bad as that was... In case you're wondering, no, this does not always get me through. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and feel like I can't handle it, but then some picture or story or something reminds me I can. It's weird; it's a God thing. Let me tell you the worst part of every day; the question "why?". If that word didn't exist, my brain would have nothing to think about. Why, after accepting what God is calling me to do (teacher and youth director) and spending all summer doing what He needed me to (2 mission trips, 2VBS's, etc.) did I get hit and put in the hospital? Why do I have to put my life on hold? I just graduated college and should be starting the real "adult" part of my life. I should be working. I should be walking around. But I'm not; I'm stuck in a bed all day because someone else lost control. If I just would have waited 2 minutes to leave. I couldn't have known; so alas, I digress. It's hard for me to try to understand. Maybe it's not about understanding, but I don't know what to do sometimes. I constantly ask God why, and He constantly doesn't reveal His master plans to me. Weird. I guess I am just a regular human after all. Ha! Here's another thing I don't understand, why (there's that word again) do I keep telling nurses "thank you" for giving me a shot or my doctor for giving me bad news?! I think something is wrong with me! Hahaha! Well I guess I KNOW there's something wrong with me. I get excited for physical therapy and do extra exercises when no one is here. I'm an odd one. So I guess all I can tell you is thank God I'm ADD (self-diagnosed. haha!), I have an amazing support system starting with my parents, and can laugh at myself and my situation.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 134:14
You are sounding more positive. You say "thank you" because that's how your wonderful parents raised you. ;) Nonetheless, as far as that flesh-eating thing? You're just plain special! :D Not everyone gets a flesh-eating thing so shh- they may all want it too. ;) I can understand your back-and-forth on reflection. I can also understand your frustration on not being seen all day. Hopefully they'll get it all sorted.
ReplyDeleteI left a book in storage called, "A Mountain to Climb" of a girl, several decades ago, who became an Adventist and was down on the Caribbean Islands and went to one of our colleges. She was sitting in Week of Prayer and the speaker said, "If you feel you don't have enough excitement in your life, ask God for a mountain to climb". Sure enough, she prayed for God to give her a mountain. She was working in the broom factory on campus (that's how Adventists colleges used to be- on campus industries to help pay for school) and some of the dye for the broom she was working with dropped on her toe. She didn't think anything of it but it ended up causing her an infection where, long story short (and it is a good book) she ended up NOT losing her foot and leg (leg was gangrenous all the way up toward her knee). It was months in the hospital but she came out in the end and God removed the infection and she went on to become a pastor's wife.
So, for you, my dear, I know it's frustrating to sit there all day but God will work it out. Did you ask as the day went by when you would be seen in X-Ray?
I love you! Hang in there!
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