Day 56

I got my X-ray today about the first thing this morning!!! Yay! I will be having my 9th surgery tomorrow. I will be losing one plate tomorrow and  my doctor will check the other, which will probably have bacteria on it. The chances are low it won't, but there IS still a chance! We shall see. I'm working on loosening my elbow since my doctor extended it. Go me! I also got to get out and in the wheel chair today. I did TWO rounds. I have only ever done 1. Jenae 3, other stuff 0. Woot!

Real quick I'll clarify the days, I started all of this on August 18th. Sometimes I write real late at night/early morning, but count it for the day I am in, not always the actual day. Also, I can't count. So this is day 56 for sure. Haha! And they're going to let me teach children! Awww... I miss my youth. Do you see the ADDness? Ok, moving on...

Today was kind of rough. I really don't want the ilizarov ex-fix. Like REALLY don't want it. Therefore I am stressing and worrying about it. I need to let it go and worry about today, but that is so hard when you're stuck in bed all day and have no distractions and daily stress. I have figured out I have not come to terms with being in the wreck (why me?) and with having to be patient in my recovery. I am working on this. I need to accept that I was in a life-threatening wreck, lived, and now have to recover. I struggle with feeling like I did something to deserve this. I know this makes no sense, but it still crosses my mind. I also need to stop thinking about the "what-ifs". I need to forgive the person who hit me. I have to let go. It's so much harder than that; I can't just let it go. I don't know why, but I can't. I just need to take things one day at a time and stress about things when the time is right. That is my goal. I will ask God to help me better cope with my life and to stress and worry about things that need stress and worry and at the right time. I will also pray for an acceptance to my temporary condition. This time next year, I'll look back and see how trivial these things were. However, that's hard to do right this second, but I'll give it a shot.

This is me typing with TWO hands!!!