Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Day 79 and Day 80

Day 5: I am thankful for modern technology and modern medicine.
Day 6: I am thankful for the care I'm getting and the amazing people I am meeting. They are making this a positive experience and they humanize me and make me feel compassion and love in this junction in my life.

So day 79 was fairly uneventful. My grandparents and PT came to visit me which was lovely. Your prayers did some good because I slept all day and even all night. I gave up some of the pain meds after a while. I don't like my head to swim. Plus I get a headache from them... I think.

Day 80- Today Mommy stayed with me all day. A friend (who just walked The 3 Day and was GLOWING) came to visit me today! For all of you wanting to do something for me but don't know what to do, you can donate here to my friend who constantly encourages me and keeps me sane. She is my hero and does everything she can to make you feel loved and cherished. My sister, her boyfriend, and another friend came to visit today, too. I love when my seester comes to see me! On an odd note, we are the same age every year for a month and tomorrow, that will end. I've always loved this oddity about us because I feel like we're super linked during that time.

I've suddenly become super attached to my parents. I hate when they're not here and especially when they leave; like in hysterical tears. I try to control this, but I can't seem to. I feel bad because they don't want to leave and I feel like I make them feel guilty when I cry. I can't help it; I just get completely overwhelmed with sadness. I feel almost lost and abandoned. I know they're coming back, but I still feel like I'm drowning in sadness.

I also feel like this is a HUGE step back which might attribute to my weird sadness. I haven't oozed in a month or so. I'm all bleedy (it is too a word!) and oozy. My arm is in a soft cast and I'll have to start over moving when I get my brace on Thursday. However, I should be ok because I worked so hard when I had the ex-fix. I know this procedure is a step forward, but it's hard to see that right now. I'm holding on, though; reminding myself of my support, the love I get, things I am thankful for, and how far I've already come. I want to give it 100% everyday, so I will.

So I'm moving my toes and ankles and legs as much as possible. I can feel the loss of my muscle (yes I'm super in tune with my body, but...) because I swear it is the first muscle used to make your knee bend. I'm not really in too much pain, but I ask for meds if I need them. It's more of a shooting, sharp pain in my ankle and legs. I get to start PT tomorrow and possibly get in a wheelchair (if I can make this left leg of mine work). I've suddenly become hypersensitive to touch. My right foot has been that way all along (and is more so than any skin), but not all of my other skin. Speaking of skin: skin grafts are so weird. You can read about it here (*warning, this is a surgical procedure, so it's gross and graphic). I JUST BENT MY KNEE!!!!! I'm a little excited...

I'm excited about Christmas, too, because I love the music and feel of the season!! All the commercials are hitting the TV these days. I'm a little sad, though because I'm scared I won't be out of here by then... I am happy the stupid elections are over and Sandy and Christmas are and have knocked them off the air!! Ugh. That is all.

And that's life...

1 comment:

  1. I love you kiddo. It's not weird to miss your folks when they go - they are your rock right now and you rely on them. It's okay to be sad and to cry, you are going through a lot. I know you won't let it take you over, and that you'll keep fighting through! I've got tons of new movies for you to watch and I owe you some goodies! Coming soon!!! LOVE YOU!