Friday, November 16, 2012

Day 90-3 months

Day 17: Today I am thankful for tears for without them I could not release my emotions.
Today I have been fighting for my old life back for 90 days. That's 3 whole months. That's 1/4 (one quarter) of my year. I almost feel like the days have been stolen from me one by one, but then I don't because I've learned so much and have become so strong. I have made many friends and have touched many lives. I have prayed a thousand prayers. I have shed thousands of tears. I have had a lot of tests. I have had 18 surgeries. I have had about 7 blood transfusions. I've had 3 external fixators and a brace. I have had 4 plates and 30 screws put in my body and 2 plates and some odd screws removed. I have had over 100 stitches. I have had over 100 bottles of water to drink. I have had 4 nail color changes.Ha!

It has been a seriously rough ride which is not near over. I pray for a quick passage and easy roads from now on. I'm getting weary from the struggle. I tell myself to go on each step of the way. I battle with my emotions everyday. I struggle to keep my head above water. I work hard to be nice to people when I really don't want to be. It's not their fault I'm here. It's not my fault either. It happened and I need to move on. I have to be strong everyday; not for others, for me. I have to breathe hard and push myself during PT. I have to make myself move. I have to make myself go on. It's up to me and only me (and God) whether or not I get better and have some functioning muscles after this. It's up to me to make sure my well being is thought of. It's up to me to release the negative and poisonous thoughts and emotions so they don't get me and take control. I constantly strive for light in the dark world I feel like I live in. Every time the light at the end of the tunnel shows itself as just a pinprick, it's blocked by yet another obstacle. Therefore, I have to move said obstacle if possible and find the pinprick of light again.This is the hardest thing I've ever had to, and ever hope to do.

Today was like every other day. Except my ortho brought me Nerds. My favorite nurse and friend bought me some bamboo, which I have ALWAYS wanted, some chocolate, and a magazine with the sexiest man alive on the front cover. I love her!! My daddy and I watched the new Spider Man movie tonight; I thought it was great! These are the highlights of my day.

And that's life...

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