Today I am letting my daddy have a guest post. Enjoy!
Well, where to begin? What a rollercoaster ride...only there is no fun on this one. It is true: parents never stop worrying about their kids. And in this case, I have had the distinct...um...what do you call it when you sit by your child and watch her struggle to heal, watch her deal with every challenge with courage, grace, and dignity? That. I have stood by her, held her hand, calmed her fears, and wiped her tears. I have had to be strong, even when I wasn't strong. She needed me to be strong. I can tell you that SOMEONE has been praying for my strength, because I sure don't have it on my own. But by the grace of God, I get to be her daddy. I am so very proud to be called that.
Now, I have had to help her make that most difficult decision she has had to make. This is the decision she mentioned previously. It absolutely crushes me to know my baby has this terrible decision to make. That doesn't change the facts, or the outcome. Nor does it change the fact that I feel guilty just feeling sorry for myself. It is her that was in the accident, her that has had 19 surgeries, her who is currently NPO for her next surgery, her that has had to make the tough call.
This all seems so surreal, like something you read in Reader's Digest True Stories. Surely I am not old enough or mature enough to help her make this decision. These big things were always the responsibility of the parent.......oh...I AM the parent. How the heck did THAT happen??? (but I digress)
By the way, where do parents go for answers? And the answer is God, of course.
So, we have gathered all the information we can find, consulted with as many doctors, nurses, PT's, family, and friends as would stop and listen, we have charted pros and cons to either decision, hashed it out, discussed it until we can't discuss any more. We have exhausted every question we can think to answer. Her doctors have been fabulous to answer all of them to our complete understanding, and then asked us for more questions. We have guessed, and then second guessed our guesses. But I think she has made her final decision. It is a decision that obviously came after weighing everything and looking into the future. It is a decision with no room for regrets.
It soothes my soul to see this woman, my baby girl, be strong enough to decide, yet vulnerable enough to need my comfort.
I love you, Jenny. More than words could ever express,