Thursday, November 15, 2012

Day 89

Day 15: I am thankful for God sparing my life; now I just have to do something extraordinary with it.

My favorite nurse came in after a staff meeting (not on the clock or at work) and found a pulse on the OTHER side of where the pulse is supposed to be. So we found it above and below the muscle flap. I'm trying not to get too excited or hopeful, but I'm starting to hope too much that the "A" word doesn't come up again.I'm trying soooo hard to find the good in everything; it's tougher than it sounds.

I hate being here. I feel like I can't do this anymore. I know I have to and will just suck it up. I still get so sad when people leave. I just want everyone to stay here with me, selfishly. I will miss Thanksgiving; not sure if I've said that before, but I will. I hate waiting for doctors. I hate Lovenox shots. I HATE HYPERBARIC CHAMBER THERAPY. I didn't mean to make that caps, but that is how I feel...

I'm so scared about the exploratory surgery I will likely have next week. I don't want another 12 inch scar on my body. These doctors have no thoughts of the future. They will cut into you anywhere and just sew you back up with no regard to how you will look when it's all said and done. I will overcome this!!

I had a GREAT visitor today. We had a lot of fun talking about all sorts of stuff. My sister came to see me too. I just love her so much; my visitor too. My doctor fixed my brace (OUCH) and it fits better, although I feel like my circulation is cut off. Ha! My elbow kind of pops when I move it... It's weird.

And that's life...

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