Day 113

Remember. Remember. Remember.

This morning I got out of my OWN bed!! After jump starting the family, I got showered and set up to blow dry my hair (for the first time in a while). I also flat ironed it; It has gotten soooo long! Next I applied a little eye make-up and got dressed. Then we were off! Daddy and I went to church this morning. I just felt the need to seize the day and go be in fellowship and worship. I got a standing ovation that touched my heart. I got so many hugs I would never be able to keep count!! I am truly blessed.

My youth were some of the first ones to come hug me. It was so amazing to see their smiling faces. I have missed them more than it's probably safe for them to know. Ha! We ran a few errands after church, then went back for UMYF. Today we shopped for our angels. Angel tree shopping is my absolute FAVORITE thing to do!! I am SO happy I got to participate and that it was with my youth group.

I have to admit, today was filled with a bit of nervousness. I am a little worried my doctor will admit me tomorrow; not because I think something's wrong, but the other times he did. I am praying for good news tomorrow and a successful day.

We tried some mirror therapy today. I think it helped a little bit. I'll have to try it more extensively to know for sure. The more distracted I am, the better my phantom pains are; they're not gone, just less. I don't understand why we have to have phantom pain. I wasn't really in pain before, but now my ankle and toes cramp, tinkle, and burn (electric shock) like crazy!!

Sometimes I get so incredibly mad at myself for not being strong enough for something or for not getting it right the first time. However, I'm 15 days out from amputation!! That's nothing! I need to learn how to relax and let myself learn. Also, to give myself time. I need to heal. I need to get stronger. I need to grieve. It's a part of the process that I think I'm subconsciously trying to skip. Ok, maybe not so subconsciously...

Today I did not feel weird. I did not feel like a freak. Only a few people stared (mostly children who are curious). I felt more whole than I have in a long time. I felt so much love I was overwhelmed almost! It was wonderful. My church family sure knows how to welcome their youth director back!!

And that's life...