Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Day 115

Today was my first day all alone at my house. It was great!! I slept in- amazing! Then got up and rolled myself to the living room. I watched a bit of TV until I got hungry. Then I rolled myself into the kitchen to look for something to make me for lunch: I decided on a sandwich. I stood up to make my sandwich. Then I poured me a glass of milk. I took both back into the living room and ate my first made lunch!

I transferred in and out of my chair to my wheel chair about 10 times today. My potty was still in my room so I had to roll back there to use that as well. Ha! Our house is NOT set up for a wheel chair. Those turns are crazy!!

When Daddy got home we ran to Wal-mart for him. Again, it's COLD outside!!! I didn't really push myself around there. I'm not ready for that kind of attention yet. People already look you up and down for being IN a wheel chair; I can't imagine what they'd do if they saw me push it with one arm and one leg. Haha!

I also got to take another awesomely amazingly wonderful shower tonight!!!!

Today was one of those sneaky days that ended up making me feel sad. I feel broken and damaged. I know I'm not and that I'm me, but still. I keep reminding myself I'm not that far out from amputation and need to cut myself some slack. It doesn't always work. I'm working on getting through the process and being patient, but it's SUPER hard! I just want to be back to normal (my new version of it anyway). I am grieving and worry it won't stop. I know it will eventually. I'm also worried I'll lose my motivation; historically this is the case (college classes and the end of semesters). I just want tot bottle the drive and determination I'm feeling right now so I can use it later, too. Mostly, though, I need time.

And that's life...

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